Hello.
I have a thought.
Or several.
And perhaps some of you won't want to hear them. That's fine. But they need to be said. I've had a lot of of light-hearted posts recently and I think it's time for a more serious topic. You all know I write a lot about guys, girls, dating, relationships, friends and relationships, being single, etc. But I have a new philosophy to present to you today: It's OK to be single!
There is entirely too much focus on having a relationship in today's culture. Now I can only speak for the majority of Americans here. I know some of you reading this blog are from all over the world, so take what I say about culture with a grain of salt.
Guys and girls...this is important.
Do you have a list of things that you want in a spouse/significant other? I'm not gonna lie; I do. It goes like this: "...I want someone who knows how to laugh; someone who can make me laugh...even if I don't want to. I want someone who understands my sarcasm...someone who understands that music is important to me and that I need it in my life all the time..." See? There's a list. And I think every person has a list, whether it's written down or not. Everyone has a "type", and your "type" is outlined by your list.
I'm not saying there's anything wrong with saying "I want this in my boyfriend/girlfriend." But what I am saying is that you have to stop looking at the other person and start looking at yourself. Yes we all have ideals, but the "perfect guy" or "perfect girl" isn't going to really be "perfect". Perfect doesn't exist in the human world. We're all imperfect, we all mess up, we all have quirks and flaws. So look at yourself and say, "I want this kind of person. What do I have to do to attract that kind of person?" If you want to be with a positive person, try being more positive about things. If you want someone who has a sense of humor, develop your own. You won't attract the person you want without adapting yourself a little.
I know I'm making a heretical statement if you look through the lenses of today's "be yourself" cultural glasses. But people let's be real here for a moment. That "Be Yourself"...it's all a bunch of bull because no matter what you do, someone can, will, and is going to...guess what...JUDGE YOU! I don't care who you are or what you do...someone is going to be watching you thinking, "I can't believe him/her. That is so wrong and messed up!" You can't and won't be able to be yourself without being condemned by someone. And really, you have to be able to move around people. You can say "I have a short temper and that's just who I am." and refuse to change, and expect everyone else to keep you from blowing up, but guess what...it ain't happ'nin' honey. YOU need to change. YOU need to control your temper. YOU are responsible for YOUR actions. Don't expect someone else to be accommodating, working around your flaws when you have the power to change and make yourself a better person.
I learned an adage in orchestra that I find applicable to this topic, while I'm on it: "If something's wrong, don't just assume it's the other person. Assume it's you, because it probably is." In other words, If something goes wrong when you're relating with someone, don't just assume it's because they have issues and there's nothing wrong with you and it's all their fault...change yourself! You probably did something wrong too!
Alright, getting back from the bunny trail. Back to being single.
People. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING SINGLE!
There. I said it.
People your single years are the best years of your life! You have freedoms, opportunities, and time that people in relationships don't have! Girls, you can hang out with that group of guy friends and not have to worry that your boyfriend is jealous! Guys, you can feel free to give that girl a hug because you don't have a girlfriend that's gonna lace into you about it. Y'all have more time because you don't have to maintain an exclusive relationship. You may not have someone to cuddle with, or hold hands with, or whatever, but what would you rather have?
Now, I make no attempt to hide that I'm a Christian. I try to keep my blog as unbiased as possible, because I know I'm writing to a mixed audience, but this is a post where middle ground is not an option because this topic is something I have very strong beliefs on. Some of you may be reading this going, "What? You are not a Christian...you do X, Y, or Z." Yes. I know. I'm not the best Christian, but you know what, we can argue about religion another time. I'm a human, I have bad habits, and I make mistakes. I'm sorry I'm not perfect. Moving on.
As far as dating/relationships go my opinion is this: You shouldn't date until you're mature enough, old enough, and ready for life. This, as a Christian, means that you need to be firm and grounded in your faith. God should be primary in your life. You have to put Him first before you can bring in another person.
I can't stress enough that you need to be Godly. Be as much like God as you possibly can. If you're keeping your eyes on God and striving toward becoming like Him and serving Him, then the right guy/girl is going to notice that. You have to trust God to bring the right person to you in the right time. You don't have to "go shopping" for that to happen.
Now please keep in mind I have nothing against dating or pre-marital/pre-courtship relationships. In fact if the opportunity arose and everyone involved approved... I would probably have one myself. I'm just saying don't rush into a relationship. Don't be obsessed with having one and don't be upset if you don't. It's not everything. Enjoy your single years while you have them. A relationship will come along when it's the right time.
So all of that to say: don't make a relationship the sole focus of your life. Enjoy each day as it comes. Roll with the punches, and make lemonade. Make a relationship an addition to your life, not the foundation.
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