The Vice Grip of Anxiety

This poster was in the Communication Arts and Sciences building last week.  What you can't read in the fine print is that it's advertising a creativity challenge hosted by the college for those of us that are majoring in Communications, Advertising, etc.  (Basically all majors offered by the college) You're supposed to put together a huge presentation about one of these topics.  It could be coping mechanisms, hope, informational, etc.  I don't have the time to actually do this challenge this year (trying to stay on the down low as a freshman until I get this college thing figured out), but I wanted to address one of these issues that happens to be very near and dear to my heart:  Anxiety.  And I want to come at it from the perspective of someone who is living with/dealing with/helping someone who has anxiety.

Some would say that anxiety doesn't exist and that people who claim to have anxiety are just seeking attention and they're overly paranoid.  I would argue that it isn't true.  I've experienced anxiety personally.  I had to take the bus for the first time by myself last semester.  It was a 10 minute ride from school to work.  No transfers, no nothing.  I got on the bus and stayed on for about 7 minutes and then had to get off because I was about to explode.  My heart was pounding, I felt trapped, I was sweating and shaking and if I hadn't gotten off the bus I would have panicked and caused a scene.  I refused to take the bus after that unless my dad or my boyfriend were with me.  Thankfully, my dad was very understanding, and after he took the bus with me from home to work, and after weeks of Tucker texting me helping me stay calm when I was on the bus, I finally started feeling comfortable.  So based on my experience, I would say that anxiety is very real.

After that lengthy introduction, here are some tips I've accumulated to helping someone with anxiety, especially if they're on the verge of breaking down:

1. DO NOT tell them to calm down.  They can't.  Trying to calm down only makes it worse because when they realize they're too freaked out to calm down it makes them feel powerless.  Being powerless is what instigated the anxiety in the first place.  So it adds powerlessness on top of powerlessness.  How is that supposed to make them feel better?  
2. Along the same lines, don't tell them that everything is OK.  If everything was OK they wouldn't be panicking.  Everything is not OK, and you telling them that could easily make them feel like there's something wrong with them for not being OK in a situation any normal person would be OK in. That doesn't help either.  
3. There's a fine line here, but in some situations, it is OK to tell them "Everything's going to be OK."  If you do choose to say this, you'd better have an example of how everything will be fine.  For example, in my situation on the bus, if someone had said "Don't worry, you haven't missed the stop.  It's only two more stops away. You're doing this right." it would have helped.  Of course, keep in mind that when a person is on the verge of breaking down and panicking, there's not a lot that you can do except to get them out of the situation as quickly as possible.  
4. Sometimes touch can help calm someone who is anxious.  Putting a hand on their shoulder or (if appropriate) holding their hand can help.  It's a subtle message that they aren't alone, and that's just plain reassuring.  
5. Ask questions.  This only works if they're communicative.  If they can express what's giving them anxiety, it can help you to better help them.  If they can't, try asking yes and no questions.  Some people may not be able to identify what is wrong, but they can identify what isn't.  But once again, be wise with the interrogation because it could easily turn into interrogation.  If they seem to be shutting down even more, stop questioning and try to get them out of the situation.  If you can figure out without asking what's going on, then do so, and come up with your own solution.  
6. Once you've gotten them away from what was causing the anxiety, and they've started to relax a little, don't just take that as your cue to leave.  If at all possible, stay with them and ask them periodically if they're going to be OK.  I emphasize the "going to be", because they probably aren't OK, but the wording implies that they will be, and the anxiety will go away in a little while.  This is a good time to sit with them and rub their back, maybe get them a drink, and just care for them.  The idea is to help them relax and calm down.  Don't feel like you have to talk to them other than "You doin' alright?" "You gonna be alright?" or "Can I get you anything?"  

This is by no means an exhaustive list.  These are just things I've learned from A) personal experience  as the anxious one and B) personal experience as dealing with someone else, and C) reading what other people have to say about it.  

As I said before, I don't want to overwhelm myself by entering in the CAS challenge, but the poster got me thinking, so I wanted to jot down some thoughts that I've been mulling over for the last week.  I hope this helped you.  If you have any other ideas, feel free to share.  I've sort of commenced a side study of anxiety, as it's something that's attracted my attention.  (If I decided to go for a masters in COM or Psych I would totally be studying anxiety and where it comes from and how to deal with it.  It's so interesting.) 

Anyways, I digress.  Please feel free to send me some feedback or share this if you want and yeah.  I can't believe I've actually kind of kept up with this blog this month!  Maybe that should have been a new years resolution: keep up with the blog.  Hopefully you guys won't get sick of me.  Ha! See y'all next week!