Now my title may have confused you. Those of you who read this blog regularly know that I had a pretty nasty accident a couple weeks ago. You probably thought I was going to describe the last two weeks, since I've been gone for so long. On the contrary, I mean to talk about something else...the healing of the heart. I may tie in my hand as a visual though. So you will hear what's happened with that.
Everyone knows what heartbreak is, but not everyone knows what it feels like. If you're fortunate enough to be in the dark on that one, please try to keep it that way. However, since it is crucial that you have some mild visual, let me put it this way...it's a lot like getting nicked with a chainsaw. Initially you don't feel pain, just shock. Then all of a sudden your heart is bleeding and pain begins to course through your body until it's unbearable. The only difference between a cut and heartbreak is that anesthetic and stitches aren't an option. There's no Emergency Room for a broken heart.
After the initial trauma is past, and the pain reduced to a dull, steady throb, that's when it begins to heal. I remember the first pain pill I took only served to dull the pain. I still laid in bed in the dark crying into my pillow because it hurt so bad, but at least it wasn't sharp. Once it's to that point you can function, but it's foggy. It's like you're walking around in slow motion.
Then you get to try and relearn how to function normally. Sunday morning after the accident I was close to tears of frustration because I couldn't do a lot for myself, and I had to train my left hand to do things like straighten my hair, tighten a belt, pull boots on, cut food, etc. It wasn't easy, but the pain in my right hand if I tried to use it was excruciating. I had to learn to ask for help. The same applies to heartache. You might need to ask someone for help. Whether it's talking it over with a close friend, asking if a coworker wouldn't mind helping you out or covering a shift, whatever. Sometimes it's okay to ask for help.
As with any injury, heartache will eventually fade. Two weeks has gone by since my injury and I can now tie my shoes, make my bed, play my violin, twist doorknobs, and almost anything I could do before all entirely without pain. There are still things I can't do, but that's okay. I've learned to ask for help with them.
Time heals all wounds, the saying goes, but the scars are there forever. You may forget the pain you're in now over time, but you'll always have a scar to remember. I don't remember the full extent of the excruciating pain I was in that first night, but I'll always have (a really cool) scar on my right hand to remind me to be careful around sharp, motorized objects. And when your pain is but a memory, you'll have a scar to remind you to be careful to whom you give your heart, because really, no one will protect you like you'll protect yourself. It's human nature.
I apologize both for the two week hiatus and the slightly depressing post, but the last two weeks have taught me a lot of lessons about pain that I felt like I should share. As always, I hope it helped someone out there in the world, or that it'll help someone in the future. Have a good week everyone. I know I will, as my stitches come out tomorrow and I'll finally be rid of triple antibiotic, telfa pads, and self adhesive wrap. ;)
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