Hello.
I've been thinking lately about some things that have been cropping up. And I realize that I've been a bit naive, so I've decided that I am going to turn my naiveté into "wisdom" and share it with you all.
Tucker and I have been dating for a year. And in that year I have been amazed at how he has grown and matured. He has become an extremely dedicated, wise, and hardworking man and it never ceases to amaze me.
However, as much as I like to brag on Tucker, that's not what you came here for. There are struggles associated with dating a guy like Tuck, and I managed to turn those struggles into massive arguments that have caused both of us some serious harm. So I have compiled a small list of things that 1) I expected, and 2) that are the actual reality and 3) why the reality is OK. Here we go...
My Expectations
When you first get into a relationship, you disgust everyone (yes, I mean everyone) with the sap and the cheese and the goo-goo eyes. You see each other as often as possible and you talk/text/video chat/whatever whenever you aren't together. This happened to me and Tucker. When I went to school it was hard, but it got easier. However, I was still used to seeing him several times a week. When he started working full time, I continued to expect that, and would often get upset when he wasn't up for something spontaneous...
Tuck and I also (because we don't see each other more than once-ish a week) have taken to a FaceTime call before we go to bed. Normally we would talk for an hour or two (or three) and then one of us would fall asleep. Once he started working more, that 2-3 hours was trimmed down to an hour--sometimes less--because he was so tired he'd just pass out. And that annoyed me.
All in all, I would tell Tuck that I loved that he was hardworking and dedicated, and then I'd turn around and get mad because he wasn't doing what I wanted or expecting. (Screw Hollywood standards)
The Actual Reality
Tucker and I both work retail. However, when he has 10-20 hours more than me per week, I have a lot more down time. And 10-20 hours of "down time" can do wonders for the psyche. While I was getting upset that he wasn't spending time with me, he was frustrated with me because I couldn't understand that he was exhausted. I would start "discussions" about how we weren't spending time together, which led to other arguments about other things. When in all reality I just wanted his time. And what he needed was for me to stop grousing about things that couldn't be fixed and to accept that what I was getting was all he could give.
Why The Reality Is OK
The fact of the matter is, when you're dating/in a relationship with someone who works their tail off, life is not like a movie. When your SO is working 40-50 hours a week, they're tired. They don't have all the time you might want. They don't have the energy. They want to go home and lay in bed. They want to fall asleep earlier. And all of that needs to be OK. As long as they still set aside a time for you to be together, you're fine.
I am honestly ashamed of myself and how I acted. Let my mistakes be a lesson to those coming after me. I'm trying to do better, and I've seen an improvement in my relationship just in the last 2 weeks. The way he and I resolve arguments has changed, and I've stopped putting so much pressure on him. I've tried to start really listening to what he has to say. I've tried to make sure that I don't expect him to operate on my terms. Because it's not about ME. It's about US. There's no "I" in "TEAM", peeps.
So there's my little confession. I hope y'all can learn from my mistake and save yourselves some arguments in the future. Love you all. Bye-o.
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