Brain Trails: Grudges

"I don't want to see you. But I don't want you to leave."

Have you ever felt that way about someone? You didn't want to see them ever again, but at the same time you wanted to know they were still there?  

I can't deny I've felt that way.  Last spring, when my ex called off our relationship I felt that way about him for the longest time. I was angry with him, he hurt me, but I loved him because he was my friend before. I didn't want to lose the friendship, but I never wanted to see him again. 

I want to talk about grudges today. 

A grudge is when someone does something wrong and you hold it over their head, refusing to forgive, refusing to just let it go. People who can't forgive are some of the most bitter and lonely people  in the world. 

Did you know you damage yourself when you don't forgive and let go? It doesn't really hurt the other person, especially if they apologized for their mistake. The grudges you hold only interfere with your life. 

Sometimes people don't apologize. Either they don't know they made a mistake, they don't care, or they are purposely trying to hurt you. It doesn't really make a difference. You need to forgive them even if they don't say they're sorry. You need to let things go. 

If you have an axe to grind against everyone, that only hurts you. Other people aren't going to care. They'll just find someone else who doesn't hate them for one reason or another. People who hold grudges overestimate their importance in the world. They think others will actually care. Some will, and they'll try to make it right. But others will just say "whatever. If you can't forgive something I did a year ago, I'm outta here." And they will leave and never look back. There's billions of other people in the world, and they aren't going to be hung up on one person who can't forgive a mistake. 

Now of course some mistakes are not easily forgiven. Betrayal dished out by a close friend, abuse, etc. That doesn't mean these things are unforgivable, but the wounds will take longer to heal. And the relationship will never be the same. The trust was broken, and the offender has to understand that it takes a very long time to build that trust back. 

So there's my scattered, disorganized thoughts on grudges. I have another recommendation for you: "Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close" by Jonathan Safran Foer. Tucker asked me to read it and I finished it this morning. It's a tough read in places, but it all makes sense in the end. I enjoyed it immensely. :)

Have a good week everybody.