Good evening everyone, I'm Ali Kat, with M&M news. We just had some breaking news into the station this evening, as a traumatized victim of a new form of torture came forward with his story. We are the only news source in the world to carry this story.
We were fortunate enough to be able to speak with Lennie Leek personally, and hear his story firsthand. The entire interview is transcribed word-for-word below.
LL: Is this on? It is? OK.
AK: Mr. Leek, I'd like to thank you for being willing to give us this interview.
LL: The only way to get over a trauma is to talk about it. Get it out in the open you know?
AK: Mr. Leek...
LL: Lennie.
AK: Oh, OK...Lennie. Tell us what happened to you.
LL: It was awful. I mean I will never forget the day it happened for the rest of my life, which, you know, as a leek, isn't extraordinarily long. Anyways, it was a beautiful sunny day, and me and my brother Bob were just chillin' in the garden you know, like just minding our own business when our caretaker--the lady is what we called her--comes out and rips us out of the ground! If that wasn't bad enough, she dumped us into this basket with...tomatoes. They bully us so much because they're all plump and red and they rarely ever get dirty. (he snorts in disgust) They're so arrogant! Anyways, the lady takes us all inside, barely saving us from a fist fight with the tomatoes, and she sets us on the counter. Of course she gives the tomatoes a nice cool bath first, but then she washes me and Bob and oh man, let me tell you, we vegetables love our baths. Rain, yes. In a sink, yes. We love them. Anyways, so then she puts us in this hot bath. Now those are nice too. Anyways, Bob and I are just chillin' in the water, thinking maybe getting taken from the garden isn't so bad after all, letting our skins and leaves get all soggy and nice. So I look over at Bob and I say, "Isn't this great Bob?" and he doesn't answer. Then I noticed the water was bubbling and it was scalding hot. "Bob!" He still doesn't answer. I was starting to feel like I was shriveling away into nothing, like I was going to disintegrate! "Bob! Answer me please!" Then I realized what had happened. Bob was gone. He was dead. "NO!" yelled "BOB PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME LIKE THIS!!! BOB!" But he...(voice breaks)
AK: I'm so sorry for your losses Lennie. How did you escape?
LL: (regaining composure) It was sheer good fortune. Just as I was about to succumb to the heat of the water boiling around me the lady lifted me from the pit, and she laid both Bob and I together on the cutting board and said something about having the perfect amount of flavor in the water. The only reason I'm here today is because she threw Bob and I out.
AK: Lennie I am certainly glad you decided to talk to us tonight. I hope we can raise awareness for this sort of abuse.
LL: It could save the lives of many innocent leeks.
AK: Yes, and to all the onions out there who I know are getting teary-eyed at the tragic loss of one of their relatives, not to worry. Spread the word! Together we can end leek abuse!
So there you have it, the breaking story of a survivor of the newly discovered leek abuse, and the new movement that is being built in the onion/leek family that will hopefully spread to other vegetables as well.
I'm Ali Kat, reporting from M&M news. Your weather forecast is next.
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So there's a little comedic relief for you all...inspired by two of my favorite people, Isaac and Peter. So shoutout to them for their inspiration which then sparked my creativity which resulted in the above ridiculous post...
I should probably apologize for my weak attempt at humor... :P Anyways, yeah. Bye. And don't kill any leeks ;)
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