The Problem of Belonging

You know those people that are just inherently likable?  The ones who just attract friends, or who post yet another selfie with a vague caption or an inspirational quote and get 200 likes and 50 comments telling them how wonderful/beautiful they are?  The people who don't seem to have to make an effort to do the right things or make the right choices--who just seem to have everything go right?  

Yeah I'm not one of them.  

I am exactly the opposite of the person mentioned above.  I'm sarcastic, sometimes mean, rough around the edges, grumpy in the mornings, I have 5 people I consider friends, and I prefer sitting in my bed with mis-matched pajamas watching Sherlock for the 500th time pretending I'm half as intelligent as he is. 

This is the life I choose for myself, so why on Earth do I--and others like me--find myself in this predicament of wanting both?  

People like me are not the ones people like.  It's the difference between a latte and black coffee.  Everyone loves a sweet latte.  They're palatable, sweet, come with enough variety that they're not boring, and they're pretty.  Black coffee is bitter and leaves a weird taste in your mouth for hours afterward.  Not to mention if you drink too much it'll make your stomach hurt because it's so acidic.  

The loner is romanticized on tumblr and Twitter as this rogue aesthetic.  They turn the gray of our lives into something mystical, something to be desired.  You see it in the editing of the Instagram photos.  The deepened shadows, the black and white portraits flawlessly edited, the moody inspirational quotes.  The brown-toned hipster photographs posted with no caption at all.  This is the little bit of darkness everyone wants to give flavor to their lives.  But they will always have their clamoring followers to exclaim how beautiful, how talented, how wonderful they are.  And like it or not those words do make a difference to people regardless of whether or not they are said in earnest.  On a computer screen all things are said with sincerity because there are no communicative devices to say otherwise.  

Disclaimer:  I'm not saying that these people have entirely perfect lives, although judging by their Instagrams you'd never be able to tell...

I know that in my former community, my story--my struggle with mental health and its side effects--are not welcome.  They are stigmatized and the person who carries these stigmas is rejected.  I know that there were rumors spread about me.  I don't know how far they spread, and I don't really care, but I know that they likely turned people against me and prejudiced them.  I'm not here to spin a sob story to make myself into one of these people I described in my opening paragraph.  I made my choices and my life now is a consequence both good and bad of those choices. I am here to point out that everyone wants to belong somewhere, regardless of their story.  

We all want to be accepted not because of our past, but in spite of it.  Everyone wants to feel like there's a group out there who has their back, who's always going to think they did a good job.  To click like or double tap.  To send a text message.  To at the very least make an effort to communicate "I'm not pretending to like you. I actually do."

My question to my few readers is this: is there someone in your life who could use a "I actually really do like you" message?  Is there someone who you haven't talked to in a while who you know doesn't have much of a network who might appreciate some human interaction?  Please reach out.  Do the comment thing.  Do the double tap thing.  You might make their day.