Brain Trails: Cross-gender Friendships

I did a post on this last year, but as I was reading it again, I realized that it was... less than helpful. So I decided to tackle it again, because once again it has come across my radar not just in my life personally but in other people's lives as well.

Can a male and a female have a platonic friendship that doesn't become something else?

My answer to this last year was a yes.  This year, I'm going to answer it with a "yes, but..."

My reasoning last year was along the lines of "Yes guys and girls can be just friends.  There are cases where it ends as one of them ruining it, and people getting hurt, and even maybe they get married and live happily ever after."  I don't feel like that really answers the question.  Nor does it give any "rules" on what constitutes a platonic friendship.

I have several male friends that are what you'd call my "favorites" and if you read this blog with any sort of regularity you'll know names like Isaac and Jed.  Now, there is some difference in my relationship with not only those two but with other males because I do have a boyfriend now.  But nevertheless, I do have male friends and that's all we are--friends.  I would never consider a romantic relationship with Isaac. (No offense) And I'm pretty sure he feels the same way about me.  But that doesn't mean we're averse to each other.  In fact, it's quite the opposite.  We don't talk much, or see each other much, but when we run into each other, it's nice to chat and catch up, and then go on our merry ways.  (Or not... if it involves going to classes we don't like, etc.)

So if that's how things are for me, then I think it's safe to assume that it can be that way for others.  Now, also keep in mind that because of Tucker I have some mental blocks and boundaries because I want to remain faithful to him. If you're single those boundaries aren't necessarily going to apply to you. However, I think that even if you are single, it is totally possible that you can have friendships with people of the opposite gender that remain platonic.  I have had friends throughout high school (when I was single) that were just that.  And they were some of the most rewarding friendships (and the least stressful) that I've ever had.  Now that I'm in college, I'm finding that I enjoy the company of my female friends more, but in high school it was not uncommon to see me and at least two other guys hanging out and chatting. Only one of my male friendships ever turned into something more (and that ended in disaster).  Another friend I knew liked me, and I liked him back, but neither of us said anything, and he is still a dear friend today.

Another thing... This may be common knowledge, but after both a failed high school relationship and a successful post-highschool/college relationship, I have changed my views on dating.  For those who don't know, I think dating should only happen if both parties are seniors/ graduated.  (Of course there are exceptions to this rule, because I know some 16/17 year olds that are easily mature enough to date.)  That being the case, I think that high school is a wonderful time for people to make friends of the opposite gender.  Learn how they work, think, behave in certain scenarios.  Learn everything you can.  Hang out, go to a movie with your squad, get coffee.  Do whatever friends do.  But because these friendships should for the most part remain platonic, here's a few guidelines to help keep "the feels" at bay:

1. Avoid one-on-one time.  Don't just go out to a movie with your friend by yourselves. Don't drive together by yourselves in a car.  Etc, etc. 
2. Nobody pays for anybody else.  You pay your own way, unless you're out with the squad and someone miscalculated the price to go laser tagging so someone chips in to help, etc. But you get the idea. 
3. Stay in public areas. Don't find yourselves a secluded corner and stay there for hours.  Stay in wide-open public places where there's a lot of people.  (No better mood-killer than a dozen people munching their lunch.) 
4. Limit heart-to-hearts.  I know this is one rule I scoffed at as a teenager, but really I think there's some wisdom in it.  I'm not saying you can't tell your opposite-gendered friend about something that's going wrong or something that you're struggling with, but the more you give away, the more you're opening your heart to the feels.  

So there you go.  I feel like I answered the question a bit better this time around.  In short, yes, guys and girls can be friends.  Best friends even.  But those friendships need to be handled differently.